JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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