Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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