How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dicks are not precious.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
