you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
