cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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