Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
