what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
