sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
