That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
