i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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