no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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