"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
