maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
