I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
