last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Randomize
