my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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