yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
