I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I want to be your penis for a week.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
