Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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