I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
