I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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