remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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