it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
