so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
