1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
