can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
