I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
