Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
