Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
