the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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