You really coming over, don't trick.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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