Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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