u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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