I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
