Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
