I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
