I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
