Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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