I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
