Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
