Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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