She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
