You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
