So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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