He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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