Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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