Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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