Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my mouth tastes like poor choices
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
