We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
