Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I will be naked everywhere
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
