He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
