Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
