If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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