your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
